Rebirth13 min read
My Husband Said He Had Lived Before — So He Left Me to Live for Himself
ButterPicks11 views
I am Marina Bentley. I read the book, I loved the sad man, and I thought saving him would be simple. Then everything went wrong in the very first night of my marriage.
"Lift the red veil," they said in the hall, and when the silk fell I looked at Dion Olson and thought: he is exactly like the book—quiet, pale, proper, with a face carved by slow winters.
"May I offer a cup?" he said softly.
"I—" I started, and then he said it.
"I am told I have lived before," he said. "I loved you for a life and waited for a return I never saw. I am tired. Ask the emperor for separation."
I stared so hard my eyes hurt. "What did you say?"
"I said," he repeated, cool as moonlight, "ask for a divorce when the time comes. I cannot hold my life for a ghost."
My mouth opened, closed, and opened again. He unknotted the ceremonial sash and walked out of our chamber as if he had left a cloak behind.
I had read the book. In the book his name was Pei Shao. He was the devoted husband who died after saving the famous warrior, Calloway Lucas, and the book made me furious for hours. In the book he saved the other man and vanished. I had come into the story to stop that—my mission was to make Dion live, to make us be happy.
"Marina," a servant whispered as I chased him through the dim halls, "the west guest chamber is prepared for him."
"He cannot be moved," I said. "This is my wedding night."
The servant blinked. "He has refused to stay in your chamber."
When I found him by the moonlit window in the west guest chamber, he did not move as if the night belonged to him.
"Why are you like this?" I asked.
He looked very small and very patient. "You loved someone else," he said. "You never looked my way. I waited too long."
"I—" I stared at his hands. They were white as paper, strong. "Please," I heard myself say, "give me a chance. Tomorrow I'll stay by your side. Let me try."
He shook his head. "No. I cannot keep living in a life that waits and waits. I am tired of grief."
The next morning he went about his duties. He spoke properly to the ministers. He wore a pale robe as if to stop rivers. I raced after him, making him the center of every silly display. I did things I would not normally do: I brought him sweets, I leaned on his shoulder during dawn readings, I put my hand on his sleeve and wiggled my fingers.
"Dion," I said once in the study, a ridiculous smile painted on my face. "Do you think I am pretty today?"
He barely looked up from his scroll. "The books are pretty," he said.
I jabbed him with a finger. "Am I not?"
"You are a princess," he answered. "You have more than most people. You must decide if you want to be more than the idea of someone."
"What idea?"
"Of being loved by a man who is not yours."
He said it plainly, and I felt like a mirror cracked.
A week passed in small stabs. I went to the academy where ministers discussed border defenses. There, under a willow, I found Calloway Lucas. He had the hard strength of men who ride long roads. He was the one I had loved in the book—brave, storm-bright, unacceptable.
"Princess," Calloway said, and for the first time in months my heart remembered what it felt to fall.
"You cannot be here," Dion said later when he found me standing too close to the war map.
"I came to help," I lied. "I want to be useful."
"You are useful in other ways," he said, and turned away. The cold in his voice is a thing I learned to hate.
When soldiers began whispering about the White Wolf Valley, I understood the story was moving along its cruel tracks. In the book the valley was a trap. Three armies could be lost under a single sky. Calloway went in and suffered. Dion died in a way that painted him into a perfect statue.
One night, while the winds sharpened, I overheard a plan carried on a servant's breath. Laura Contreras—Queen Carol Weber's clever daughter—had plotted to bind two men to her like a moth pinned to a board. She read the book too, or she read something even worse. She wanted to twist fate into a ladder to climb the palace.
"She plans to let soldiers get hurt," I hissed at Dion when I told him.
"I know," he said. He folded a map as if it were paper and not bone. "But we have room to change things."
"Change?" I laughed. "You told me to give up."
"I told you the truth," he said. "I lived once and loved. I am not made to wait forever."
That was not the answer I wanted. I wanted him to be the book's pillar of devotion. I wanted him to be that dying hero. Instead, he was an exhausted man who had learned the weight of waiting and refused to bear it again.
War came as lightning. Laura's plan, I discovered, was not that she wanted soldiers to die senselessly. She wanted a show—an enormous show that would make the world remember her and lean on her like a new sun. The White Wolf trap would be the stage.
"Are you telling me she will betray her own people?" I whispered.
"She will use them as proof of her power," Dion said. "I must stop that."
"Then do it!" I cried. "I will shout it, I will tear the banners, I will storm the court."
We rode out. The valley was the color of old bones and dry grass. The wind smelled of iron.
"Calloway," I said to the warrior when I found him, "do not rush in as the bait. Wait for the right moment. Bring only a distance force. Let the enemy think they have won. Then surround them."
Calloway's jaw tightened. "You speak like a soldier."
"I read more than I can fight," I said, "but I remember the book's ending, and I will not let Dion die."
He agreed with a nod that set his jaw like a blade.
Laura appeared at the camp in a man's cloak. She looked as if she had always been constant—not a woman but a storm in seed. I watched her move with a quiet alarm.
"Laura," I spoke to her once in the march, "why are you so interested in this war?"
She smiled, but the smile did not touch her eyes. "You do not understand power, Marina," she said. "You only understand romance and loss. I want more."
"You have read what happens," I said. "You will not turn the valley into a slaughter."
"Three men will make careful history," she said. "A little blood, a little glory. People forget bodies easily if they are given a new star to worship."
We argued and argued in whispers and in open halls. And I told Dion everything I had learned.
"Do you trust me?" he asked once, late in the night, as the camp fires blinked.
"Of course I trust you," I rushed to say, then added, "maybe."
"That is not quite the same thing."
Somewhere between dawn and the first cry of the horn, I decided not to be a ghost of a book any longer. I would be a woman with sharp arms. I walked into the command tent and I said what I knew.
"Calloway," I told him, "split the force. Draw them into the valley from the front. When they think they have crushed you, have soldiers break the ridge behind them. Do not let them leave."
He looked at me as if he had found a new map. "Are you certain?"
"Yes."
"Why do you care so much?"
"I care because someone told me he would die for you," I said. "I cannot let that happen again."
When the fight came, it was loud as thunder. The valley filled with smoke, the sky with banners, the ground with horses. I watched from a knoll, holding a small bowl of water I had boiled for the wounds. I walked among the soldiers, passing bandages and words.
They say a woman cannot change a war, but I handed men water and ideas, and small changes make huge ripples.
Then the arrow flew as if thrown by a jealous god. I moved because I always moved where my heart was pulled. I pushed forward and felt wood crash through my back. Pain exploded, bright and hot. I fell into Calloway's arms.
"Marina!" he shouted. "Stay with me!"
I remember only fractions: the feel of his rough hands, Dion's voice like a bell ringing, the smell of blood like copper on my mouth. I saw Dion running through the smoke, his face pale but steady, and he carried me back to the tents.
"You are stubborn," he said, and every word was careful.
"In the book I was meant to die to make you a perfect statue," I gasped. "I will not let that happen."
He sat with me night and day. He smeared clay and herbs and the soldiers whispered about miracles. Calloway's shadow came and went like a tide. The enemy scattered, and when it was over men counted the living and the dead. For the first time in my life I sat in a bed and felt like something new could be true.
Later, when the court drew its long curtain and the emperor called out, Laura's plan collapsed. A messenger had sold her secret to someone else, and the court's anger rolled like a river toward her.
"She will be exposed," Dion said. "And then she will pay."
The day that followed must be told slowly.
"Bring the accuser," the emperor—Anton Woods—said to the great hall. "Bring the records and the book. Let the truth burn or be read."
The hall filled with courtiers, soldiers, servants, and women who had once enjoyed Laura's laughter. I stood beside Dion and Calloway, small and strange in my borrowed robe.
"Laura Contreras," the emperor said. "Explain your plan."
Laura stood tall as a reed. "I wanted crown and command," she said, smiling as if she were cutting cake. "I wanted people to notice me. Is that a crime?"
"Do you deny using state dispatches to alter troop movements? Do you deny paying messengers to twist time and send false orders?" Anton demanded.
"No," she said. "I deny nothing. I designed the plan. It was clever."
"Lies and cleverness used against your own men," a general shouted. "You played with people's lives."
"You would die for power," someone else hissed.
"She burned the original pages of the book," I whispered to Dion. "She tried to erase the proof."
"She thought she could rewrite history," Dion said.
A scroll was unrolled. Evidence, names, bribes. Men gestured and women murmured. Eyes rolled from one face to another. The crowd's faces changed as if a curtain had been dropped—curious, then astonished, then horrified.
"Why?" I asked Laura when the answers were over. "Why did you do it?"
"Because I was tired of being a minor face," she said. "Why should two men decide who I am? Why should a book dictate my life?"
"You used three thousand men as proof of your claim!" someone cried.
"Was it three thousand?" Laura asked, as if numbers were ornaments.
"It is the same as betrayal," Calloway said. "You put soldiers in harm's way to build yourself a stage."
"Power wants names," she said simply. "I gave it names."
The emperor's face was as still as a winter field. "You will be punished as the law dictates."
"Punish me then," she said. Her eyes flashed with fire. "I will stand taller. I will burn the book if I must."
"Bring her forward," Anton said.
They lifted the charges aloud—treason by manipulation, corruption of lines of command, orchestrated endangerment. And then the worst part: Laura's betrayal of trust. She had misled men whose lives had been entrusted to her.
"Do you beg for mercy?" the judge—Leonardo Fischer—asked.
Laura laughed like a knife. "Mercy is for those without appetite," she said.
The hall changed its mood then. Whispers became shouts. A servant in the back, a mother who had lost a son, slammed her fist on a bench.
"You murdered my boy with your plans," she sobbed.
Laura's face flickered. She had expected applause, a crown, perhaps a pageant. She had not expected grief to touch the world.
"Will anyone stand for her?" a councilor asked aloud.
"No," said a soldier who had lost a captain. "She used us as toys."
They ordered Laura to strip the ribbons from her hair. She stood there with her chin high as if ornaments could hide a sin. Men began to spit on the floor. A few people started to record her words with mirrors of glass that held the words for others to see.
"Do you recall how you smiled when you ordered the false dispatch?" a widow demanded.
Laura's smile faltered for a sliver of breath. For the first time she did not have the exact answer. She tried to retort, but the words stuck like mud.
"Look at her hands," someone shouted. "She blessed the paper and signed it with her seal."
They read aloud the signed orders. They played the tapes of messengers' confessions. They called the servants who had been paid. The circle narrowed until Laura's options thinned like ice.
Then the court made its punishment public and elaborate, to teach everyone that a throne built on broken people is worthless.
"Strip her of her rank in the hall," Anton said. "She will be paraded so that every eye sees."
They dressed her in plain cloth. Two guards walked her into the center of the city, under the open sky. The crowds pushed forward as if pulled by a storm. Men pointed, women cried, children leaned like small flags.
"Remember this face," the emperor said. "Remember what hunger for power does."
They chained Laura to a pillar and read her crimes aloud. At first she was scornful. People in the crowd snapped pictures with little glass plates and whispered like starlings. I watched the change start in her eyes—pride to doubt, doubt to anger, anger to broken confusion.
"Laura!" someone called. "Why did you play with men's lives?"
"I... I meant to... I meant—" Her voice cracked.
A young man in a soldier's stained cloak stepped forward. "You made me bury my brother," he said, eyes red. "You told me it was honorable. You told me this was the only way."
Laura's lips twisted. She started to shake.
"Look at her now," a noblewoman hissed. "Watch her fall."
"Stop," Laura cried. She tried to plead. "Please—this was for my name."
"You wanted a name," a woman in the crowd said. "But you do not get a name with blood on your hands and a laugh in your throat."
A child pointed at her and cried out, "You stole our father!" Others echoed. They brought forth the small things—gifts she had accepted from soldiers' families, the pearls she had been given, the false minutes she had signed. Each thing added weight to her collapse.
Her face, which had been so proud, began to unwind like ribbon. She staggered. Her voice broke into desperate pleas.
"I am sorry," she cried. "I am sorry. Please, your grace, do not—"
"Do not ask us to forgive what you engineered," the emperor said. "You will be sent to the Tower of Records. You will have to work among the files and account for every falsified word. You will be exposed to the truth every morning and every night until your hunger changes."
The crowd shouted approval. Some spat. Others cheered. The idea of justice tasted sweet. Laura's shoulders sagged as if the world had finally reached her.
She slumped into terror and then into a hush of pleading. She leaned forward to the emperor and begged, but the court had already decided.
"Let her be watched," Anton said. "And keep her writings. Burn what she burned, that her attempt to erase truth fails."
"What do you feel?" Calloway asked me quietly.
"Relief," I said. "For the men. For the families."
"And for her?"
I thought of the way she had called us "low" and "fiction." I thought of the way she had burned the book, thinking story could be bent.
"I feel pity," I admitted. "A person who wants everything will never know the warmth of holding one good thing."
Laura was led away in chains. She begged. She was mocked. She tried to bargain with names she thought had value. They were like dry leaves. Men in the crowd recorded her pleading and took photographs. They began to chant her crimes until her face bled into the rhythm of it.
She tried to bargain with Dion for mercy, then with Calloway, then with me. At each turn she was met by faces that spun from shock to scorn to a quiet acceptance that she had chosen her fate. When she finally dropped to the ground and sobbed, no one came near. Soldiers spat. Friends who had once laughed at her showed their teeth. Long friends turned their faces. Her mother, Carol Weber, stood apart and watched a daughter turn into a lesson.
"Do you know," Laura whispered to me once as she knelt before the emperor, "that I opened the last page of that book and hated how small I felt?"
"Then you made the wrong choice," I said. "You could have written your own life without spilling others' ink."
She begged. She begged for forgiveness. The crowd was a storm on a cliff. No one reached for her hand. Men circled like sharks. She tried to stand and failed.
Afterwards, when the papers recorded what had happened, they wrote all the details. They described the burning of the book, the bribed messengers, the false orders and the public humiliation. They wrote how she was humiliated before the city and imprisoned in the Tower of Records, where she was ordered to transcribe truth for ten years.
She fell into a slow, private ruin. The men who had once sought her favor now watched her in the yard and spat. A child threw a stone. A woman spat in her path. She crawled like a wounded bird. Once she stood tall and called herself a queen of the day. Now she had nothing, not even the pride that made cruelty possible. She begged and was answered with the coldness she had once feigned.
That punishment lasted long enough for the echo to work: power misused turns on the user, and people remember that. Some clapped; some cried; and most simply turned away to pick up pieces of their own lives.
Days smoothed into quiet. I healed slowly. I learned that Dion could be warm and that he had decided to live for himself. He sat with me at night and told me he had loved before and loved now and did not want to be a martyr again.
"So you stayed?" I asked.
"I stayed to see whether I could be selfish with you," he said. "I wanted to try the life I had denied myself."
One afternoon, as we sat together under the jasmine, Calloway came and knelt on one knee and said plainly, "Marina, I owe you my life and a debt. I will not ask you to love me. I only want to see you safe."
"Then don't ask," I told him. "Keep my secret, keep my scar."
Calloway smiled and bowed his head. "I will."
After the valley, the world rearranged itself the way it does: small things changed faces. The emperor rewarded those who had saved lives. He ordered inquiries and sent Laura to the Tower. He placed Dion in a position to be his own master.
"Will you return to the court?" someone asked me.
"No," I said. "I will stay in the place where my heart finds work."
"Do you love him?" people wanted to know—this was the old book's great question.
"I love him," I said slowly. "But love is not a story alone. It is a decision we make every single day."
He kissed my forehead once. "Then make me worthy."
I did not become an empress. I became a woman who had survived a valley and a book and someone else's greed. I mended what was possible. I made friends with people who had lost sons. I taught a small kitchen where wives learned to make broth for men who came back shell-shocked. I visited the Tower of Records sometimes and left bread at its gate because even punished women were still human.
Years later, when the book that had swallowed my life was forgotten by many, I kept a small shard of porcelain that had once been broken in a foolish dinner—with Dion's hand sweeping a plate to the floor in a fit of clumsy confession. He had smashed it when he was angry at himself for loving the wrong life.
"I will keep this," I told him once, for there is a peculiar beauty in a thing that went from whole to broken and then became part of a story.
"Keep it," he said. "It will remind you of us."
On quiet nights, when moonlight fell through the lattice like a soft argument, I would take the little shard and run a fingertip across its edge. It was smooth from the way it had been sanded, but it had a hairline crack—tiny, stubborn, like a memory.
"Do you remember the night you asked me to leave?" I asked him.
He laughed, low as thunder. "I remember the first day I decided I would not live by waiting."
"And now?"
"And now," he said, "I am tired of dying for others. I will choose my life."
We stood then, with the shard between us, and I pressed it into the palm of my hand.
"Then this," I said, "is the book we could not burn. The crack is our promise not to become the people we feared."
He held my fingers closed over the porcelain. "So be it."
The burned pages of the manuscript fluttered in the records like ash, but the shard remained. It was small, white, chipped, and useless as a guard against anything but memory. It was also oddly comforting.
"Will you ever try to rewrite another life?" I asked late in the night.
He pulled me closer. "Only ours," he said. "Only ours, and we will write it anyway we please."
The city beyond our garden took in a deep breath and went on. People remembered Laura for a while and then remembered other things. Men who had been lost were named on stones near the river. Little girls learned that power is a dangerous hunger. I learned that living for yourself is not a small crime; it is a necessary art. I also learned that love takes work, that love can be honest, and that to save a life you may have to risk everything—even the script of a story.
Once, in a corner of the Tower of Records, a child found the pages Laura had tried to destroy. He read them aloud and laughed at the scribbles that pretended to be fate. "Stories," he said to himself, "are for living, not for binding."
I keep the shard on the sill. When the wind comes and the jasmine blooms, I rub my thumb along the crack and think: we were a book that learned to be a life.
The End
— Thank you for reading —